Recently, during a chat with my DIP buddy, I had a realization related to the fact I sometimes rush when feel the other has to wait for an answer. This realization opened a huge point that I see is a kind of red line going through my life and I feel it is now time to dig into this point and find out where it comes from.
Ever since I had my last chat I am experiencing resistance related to going on with my assignment. When looking closer at this point I see it is related to a mix of feelings and emotions on their turn related to what we discussed in the chat. My buddy used an example to explain how I should proceed in order to get my self-corrective statements right. The point she used was manipulation. Instead of seeing this as an example I reacted on the manipulation word and felt kind of attacked.
So, why did I react so strongly on the word manipulation?
I immediately realized I connected the word manipulation with the topic of the blog post I was writing within my assignment with the title “Fear for Money”. What happened? I connected the manipulation example with the context of having had little money and having been limited as a living being by this point (lack of money) in my daily life.
The result of my mind making this connection with the word manipulation and my assignment was that I experienced this as if my buddy was actually blaming me to have had manipulating behavior while being in the situation of having little or no money. This directly started feeding my construct of seeing myself as a victim during that period of time, or better until today, because I clearly am not ready with this point.
So, this is a massive, multi-dimensional point. I am going to work this through in the next series of posts in order to reveal all layers until I cleared every issue. The first step will be to identify all the dimensions involved, the relations to other points and issues and then through self-forgiving and self-corrective-statements end participating in all the points I unveiled.